We have less and less appeal for help – not from shame, fear of not appear weak. Is it difficult for you to ask for help? And how to do it?
The motto of the modern woman – self-sufficiency. We almost forgot about what help and support bring people together, give them the opportunity to grow and change for the better. We are afraid to ask for different reasons – out of politeness for fear of disturbing her asking someone else for fear of being rejected or ridiculed from a false sense of self-importance and omnipotence.
At independence there was nothing wrong, that’s just there are times when asking for help can and should be. Recognize that we need help – that’s half the battle. And another important step – the right to ask.
1.Vozmozhnost failure. Ask for help, so that the person had the opportunity to refuse. Do not start with a request to order “Do so,” “We need it.” Do not worry because the alleged failure, and do not make hysterics when he heard it. Take it easy, your friend will appreciate it for sure when the next time you ask him about something. Businessman Igor Vagin describes an American entrepreneur who taught both of his subordinates: “Do not be afraid to collect waivers. Will succeed only by those who, in spite of failures, continues to make its proposals. “
2. Loud and clear. There is a Russian proverb: “What do you like that and ask.” Make sure your partner and understand why you need it and what it needs to be done. Encourage the person to him was interesting to help you. You can subtly offer in response to their aid. Have you ever noticed that on every forum there is a section where people offer their help and in return ask for? Someone is happy to translate for you two pages of Spanish text, you in turn can share a recipe of your signature dishes.Narrow down what kind of help is needed – advice, friendly interest, financial aid. And always remember: what you ask, you should first of all you. If you ask for raise at work, back up their request to the facts, tell us about their successes. The figures and facts – that this will draw the head, considering your request for a raise, not the fact that your child needs another coach.
3. Who to contact? asking for help, choose the right person, referring to. And do not be afraid to hear “no.” The more people you ask, the more chances to get help.
4. Gratitude. Must thank man, even if it does not help you. He has given you the time, I thought, what can help. And the next time might help you. If you provide care, emphasize how important and valuable for you to help and support.
5. Offer to help. more often themselves offer help! “Can I have something for you?” – A simple phrase, but you do a good deed.
Why do we stop asking?
Psychologist Catherine Stroganova says,
Asking for help is equally difficult for both men and women, there is a fear of being ridiculed, rejected, misunderstood. As a child, the parent plants can strengthen or weaken these fears. For example, if a child sees his mother does everything herself, without asking her father for help, he may begin to perceive this pattern of behavior as acceptable, and it will be harder in the future to ask for help. It is also likely to affect adversely the phrases their parents: “You can do it yourself, why me, distract?”, “Deal itself, you’re an adult,” “Learn to be independent”.
Children whose parents tried to “read minds” of the child and do everything for him, even without its request, in the future may be faced with the fact that not all people will be anticipating his desires and needs. These children can be difficult to ask for help, they will assume that the world itself has to do for them what they want.
Often we are afraid to ask for help for fear of being rejected and thus be weak, but there is a shift of the concepts of “strength-weakness.” Who is weak? Those who plucked up the courage to tell about your problem and ask for help, or someone who has rejected an asylum? People with low self-esteem tend to at least ask for help, as was originally intended that it be refused, ostensibly on the grounds that they are stupid, worse, more absurd. But to ask for help – not to humiliate themselves and show their inadequacy. Not ashamed to ask and not a bad thing, this is expressed by the trust to close people, because if we believe that all the problems we can solve themselves, and even the closest people can not help us, then is it really so much we trust them?
We reserve the right to ask for help, and another person also has the right to deny us. This is also important to remember. If you take the right and the right of another person, it will be easier to ask.